Desperate Housewives

Good morning! My name is Matt Martinez, and I am the pastor here at Renovation Church Shoreview.

The World Cup Final is this afternoon, and I am pumped. I love soccer. I love watching it. I love playing it, and I love watching the fans. When their team scores, the stadium shakes with cheers and songs. When there's a bad call, they're furious. And when their team loses... they weep.

That's part of what makes the World Cup so much fun. Every country believes this could be their year. Even the underdogs show up believing they have a chance.

But it's not just soccer fans who live with expectation. We all do. We all place hope in people or things. .

Maybe it's...

• "If I could just find the right friends, I wouldn't feel so lonely."
• "If I get married, people will finally see that my life is on track."
• "Once I get that job, I'll know I've made it."
• "If I looked like that, then people would notice me."
• "If I could just get on vacation, maybe I'd finally find some peace."

Not all of those things are bad. Some can be gifts from God. The problem is when we ask those gifts to give us something only God can give.

Here's the question I want us to wrestle with this morning:

Am I expecting this person—or this thing—to give me something that only God can provide?

This is exactly what we will see in our passage today.

If you have your Bible, turn with me to Genesis 29:31-30:24. If you're using one of the Bibles under your chair, you'll find it on pages 20-21.

If you're newer to Renovation, or you've missed a few weeks this summer, let me catch you up.

Jacob has spent most of his life trying to get God's promises his own way.

He stole his brother Esau's birthright and blessing, and because of it, he had to leave his family, his home, and everything familiar. He fled to live with his uncle Laban.

When he got there, he fell in love with Laban's daughter Rachel. He agreed to work seven years to marry her. But on the wedding night, Laban deceived him and gave him Rachel's older sister, Leah, instead.

Jacob ended up marrying Rachel too... but only after agreeing to work another seven years.

And if you thought that was messy… my friends, we are just getting started. .

Let's begin reading at the bottom of page 20 starting with the small number 31.

Genesis 29:31-35

31 When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. 32 Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now."

33 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon.

34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi.

35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the Lord." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.

We can tend to idolize people in the Bible, but most often, as we dig into their lives, we can see some very big mistakes and character flaws. The Bible is intentional about this- even the "best" examples have major failures. Much like, in our lives, we have good days and bad ones, but God is faithful to redeem us. Jesus is the only person who lived the right way in order to save us. But we have to first see how desperately we need him.

What do we do when our deepest longings or expectations aren't being fulfilled?

When we place our expectations on people or things, relationships break down.

And we do a few things to contribute to this. The first…

A. We try to earn love.

When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, He enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless.

That opening sentence sets the tone for everything that follows.

Jacob loved Rachel. But he didn't love Leah. But that wasn't the beginning of Leah's pain. If you've been with us through this series, you know this story goes back much further.

Remember Jacob's family? His father Isaac favored Esau over Jacob. That favoritism created division, deception, and dysfunction throughout the family.

Then Jacob arrives at Laban's house, falls in love with Rachel, and gets tricked into marrying Leah instead by Laben- Leah’s father.

Think about Leah for a moment. Her own father used her. Now her husband doesn't love her. She's spent her life wondering if she's wanted by anyone. And hurt like that has a way of getting handed down. People who never receive love often spend their lives trying to earn it.

Now listen to how Leah names her first three sons.

Reuben. "Surely my husband will love me now."

Simeon. "The Lord heard that I am not loved."

Levi. "Now my husband will become attached to me."

Did you catch the pattern? Every child is another attempt to win Jacob's affection.

"Maybe this time he’ll love me."

How often do we do the very same thing?

"If I perform well enough..." "If I make enough money..." "If I become successful enough..." "If I lose enough weight..." "If I'm a better spouse." "If I'm a better parent..."

"Then maybe I'll finally be enough."

We start believing love is something we earn instead of something we receive. Some of you have spent your entire life trying to earn something Jesus has already offered you freely.

And whenever relationships become performance-based for love, they begin to fall apart.

Let’s come back to our passage to see another way we can go wrong. We will start reading where you see the big number 30 on page 21.

30 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!"

2 Jacob became angry with her and said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"

3 Then she said, "Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her." 4 So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. 6 Then Rachel

said, "God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son." Because of this she named him Dan.

7 Rachel's servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8 Then Rachel said, "I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won." So she named him Naphtali.

9 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. 10 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. 11 Then Leah said, "What good fortune!" So she named him Gad.

12 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. 13 Then Leah said, "How happy I am! The women will call me happy." So she named him Asher.

Okay, let’s pause here. When we place our expectations and longings on others, relationships break down because… second thing…

B. We demand from people what only God can provide.

Rachel: "Give me children or I'll die."

Jacob's response is interesting: "Am I in the place of God?"

He's right. He isn't God. He can't make Rachel conceive. But did you catch what he does next?

Nothing. He doesn't pray for her. He doesn't comfort her. He doesn't lead his family. He states what's true, and walks away.

Compare this to Jacob’s father Isaac: Rebekah (Jacob’s mom) couldn't initially have children either — and Isaac prayed to God for his wife.

Jacob knows he isn't God. But being right about his limitations isn't the same as loving Rachel well within his limitations.

But, Rachel is asking Jacob to be something only God can be. And we do this constantly — with our spouse, our kids, our friends, our career. We hand people expectations they were never meant to carry.

People make terrible gods. Not because they're bad people — because they were never meant to hold that weight. So when they can't carry it, we take over. That's exactly what happens next: Rachel gives Jacob her servant Bilhah. Leah answers by giving him Zilpah. Nobody's trusting God anymore. Everyone's manufacturing the life they wanted.

And this isn't new. Jacob’s grandparents Abraham and Sarah took God’s timeline into his own hands and forced an outcome. Isaac tried to manipulate the blessing God gave to the family. Rebekah tried to manipulate the

blessing. Jacob tried to manipulate the blessing. Now Rachel and Leah are doing the same thing their whole family has always done — trading God's timing for human effort, generation after generation.

I remember a hard season in ministry about six years ago. I just wanted some peace. So every chance I got, I grabbed my phone. Scrolled. Read the news. Video after video. Told myself I was decompressing. But every time I put the phone down, nothing had changed. The stress was still there. I wasn't finding peace — I was finding distraction. I was asking my phone to do something only Jesus could do.

We all have our version of that. Maybe it's your phone. Maybe it's success, a relationship, money, retirement. Whatever it is — when we ask created things to do what only the Creator can do, they let us down. And when they do, we're tempted to negotiate. To manipulate. To force the outcome ourselves.

Which is exactly where this story goes next.

14 During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, "Please give me some of your son's mandrakes." 15 But she said to her, "Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes too?" "Very well," Rachel

said, "he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes." 16 So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. "You must sleep with me," she said. "I have hired you with my son's mandrakes." So he slept with her that night.

17 God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. 18 Then Leah said, "God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband." So she named him Issachar.

19 Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, "God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons." So she named him Zebulun.

21 Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah.

22 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. 23 She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." 24 She named him Joseph, and said, "May the Lord add to me another son."

The final thing that can happen when we place expectations on our relationships is…

C. We manipulate instead of trust.

The mandrake plants the passage talks about were a rare plant in the region in which this family lived. It was believed that consuming this plant would help you have babies. These two desperate wives were willing to do anything it took to have babies and win.

At first glance this story almost feels like a reality TV show.

Sisters competing over a husband and trading fertility remedies for a night with their husband. A husband withholding love and attention. Jealousy. Bargaining. Manipulation.

Notice how everyone slowly becomes a commodity. Jacob is used. The servants are used. Children become trophies. Mandrake plants become idols. People stop being people. They're simply tools to reach an end.

Pastor Andy Stanley says: Relationships built on negotiation eventually create distance. Relationships built on trust create intimacy.

Every person in this story is looking for fulfillment. But the harder they chase it through human means... the further away it seems.

Notice Rachel at the very end of our passage today. After finally getting a child (a son) of her own, she says, "God

has taken away my disgrace." But then she says in the same breath: "May the Lord add to me another son."

Rachel, even with a son finally in her arms (what she was so desperate to have), is already asking for the next one.

This story ends with all of the relationships in bad shape: Jacob with his wives. The sisters with one another, the servant girls with the people meant to take care of them, even Rachel and Leah’s relationship with God is falling apart.

Relationships break down when we place our deepest expectations and longings on people or things.

But within such a tragic story, we can see glimmers of hope shining through.

Take a look at verses 31-35. We can see here that

When we place our expectations on God, we discover His faithfulness.

We have to place our expectations and longings on God. We can do this by…

A. Change your source.

Look closely at how Leah names her first three sons in verses 31-34.

Reuben: "Surely my husband will love me now." Simeon: "the Lord heard that I am not loved" — but even here, the goal is still stated in terms of Jacob. Levi: "Now at last my husband will become attached to me."

Every name is aimed at Jacob. Every child is a bid for his attention. Her hope is still resting in the need for her husband’s love and attention.

But then look at verse 35: Judah. "This time I will praise the Lord."

Her circumstances haven't changed — Jacob still hasn't loved her — but her focus has: she stops asking God for something through Jacob, and starts praising God.

We often believe our source of comfort is in other things or people. They will not heal the pain or hurt, they will not provide the love you need- only God can do that. God needs to be the first source you go to! Not the last.

We can find the next two ways we can begin seeing God’s faithfulness if we take a look at the entire passage as a whole.

B. God keeps working despite everyone's failures.

If you read this story and think, "Is God approving of all this?" No. The Bible is simply telling us what happened. This

story is not prescriptive to how we should act — it is descriptive of what people are doing.

Why is this important to know? Because the point isn't to idolize or copy the behavior of these people. The point is to show how faithful God is. Everyone is scheming. God is promising. Everyone is competing. God is building. Everyone is manipulating. God is still fulfilling His covenant promise to this family.

The twelve sons in this story that are born become the twelve tribes of Israel. We read about them throughout the Bible. In this series we have been referring back to the promise God made to this family: "I will make you a great nation, I will bless you and your children. The nations of the earth will be blessed through you." These sons were the foundation of that promise! Judah- Leah's son. The son in which she finally praises God instead of looking to others for affirmation, is particularly significant.

Almost 2,000 years later, Jesus is born from the line of Judah. The Savior of the world eventually comes through Leah. This promise of God was still being upheld by God while everyone else was busy creating drama. God is quietly accomplishing the redemption of this family and of all the nations of the world.

You may feel like you have failed. You may feel like others have failed you, but God is not done with you yet. That is the good news of the Bible!

Which leads us to our final thought today.

C. God's grace is greater than our mess.

God is faithful even when we are not.

This has been a central theme every week that we have been looking at the life of Jacob. And it's true here again. The theme of God’s faithfulness does not mean sin is okay — there are consequences. The rivalry continues for generations. But God's promise keeps moving forward.

Rachel thought children would satisfy her. Leah thought Jacob's love would satisfy her. Neither one found lasting fulfillment there. Because our deepest longings were never meant to be found in things or other people. They were always meant to lead us to God.

God fulfilled this family's promise Himself through Jesus.

The love Leah tried to earn... the acceptance Rachel tried to achieve... the security Jacob spent his whole life scheming to grab for himself... Jesus accomplished all of it. Freely given. Nothing left to earn, nothing left to fight for.

Our deepest longing has never been for success... or romance... or children... or approval. Our deepest longing has always been for Christ.

Conclusion

Jesus gives us the love Leah couldn't earn...

the acceptance Rachel couldn't achieve...

and the security Jacob spent his whole life trying to steal.

• “Ministry (life) is a series of ungrieved losses.”
• “We give the most power to things in our lives that we refuse to acknowledge.”
• Give space for people to process