The Spiral of Dysfunction | Genesis 27:1-28:9 | Matt Martinez

Good morning everyone! My name is Matt Martinez, and I am the pastor here at Renovation Church Shoreview.

One of John Mayer's most honest songs is called "In the Blood." In the song, he wrestles with his family's dysfunction and keeps coming back to one question:

Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?

It's a question a lot of us carry. Am I destined to repeat what came before me? Will I become my parents? Will I pass the same struggles on to my kids? Can people really change?

Today we're talking about family dysfunction. A simple definition of dysfunction is this: something isn't working the way it's supposed to.

And if we're honest, every family has some level of dysfunction. And if you don't think you're dysfunctional, that might be your dysfunction.

What's normal to you might be damaging to somebody else: communication, conflict, money. Every family has something.

The question is: can it change? Or are we stuck with it?

The family we're looking at today is deeply dysfunctional. And as the story unfolds, it doesn't get better—it gets worse.

If you have your Bible, open with me to Genesis 27. If you are using the Bible under your chair, we will be on page 18. Our passage is all of Genesis 27 and the beginning of Genesis 28.

It's a longer section—about sixty verses. So I'll read some portions and summarize others.Honestly, it reads like a binge-worthy Netflix drama about a messed-up family. Before we jump in, let's remember where we are in Genesis.

Genesis starts beautifully. God creates the world. Everything is good. Everything is working exactly as it should. But sin enters the story, and humanity begins spiraling away from God.

Then God comes to one man—Abraham—and makes a promise.

"I'm going to bless you. I'm going to make you into a great nation. And through you, all the families of the earth will be blessed."

That promise becomes the storyline of Genesis. Abraham and Sarah have Isaac. Isaac and Rebekah have twin boys: Esau and Jacob. And today we're watching what happens when a family tries to take control of what only God can provide.

Let's begin in Genesis 27, we will start reading where you see the big number 27.

When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.”

“Here I am,” he answered.

2 Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. 3 Now then, get your equipment—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. 4 Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.”

5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, 6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, 7 ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ 8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: 9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. 10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.”

11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. 12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.”

13 His mother said to him, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.”

14 So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. 15 Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob. 16 She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. 17 Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made.

18 He went to his father and said, “My father.”

“Yes, my son,” he answered. “Who is it?”

19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

20 Isaac asked his son, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?”

“The Lord your God gave me success,” he replied.

21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not.”

22 Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he proceeded to bless him. 24 “Are you really my son Esau?” he asked.

“I am,” he replied.

25 Then he said, “My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing.”

Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come here, my son, and kiss me.”

27 So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him.

Remember this blessing wasn't small. We're talking about a double inheritance. Leadership of the family. But most importantly, we're talking about the covenant promise of God that had been passed down from Abraham to Isaac.

And as we walk through this story, I want you to picture a funnel.

At the top, everything feels manageable. A compromise. A hidden motive. A little dishonesty. An issue nobody wants to address. But the further you move down the funnel, the tighter things get.

The consequences grow. The options shrink. The damage spreads.

That's what dysfunction does. It rarely stays where it starts. It pulls us deeper. And that's exactly what we're watching happen in this family.

(top of the funnel- left side) Families Committed to Their Own Ends Fall Apart

As you read this story, everybody is fighting for their own way. Everybody is trying to get what they want. Everybody believes they know best. And that shows up in three ways.

• Continually Putting Yourself First
  

Isaac wants Esau blessed because Esau is his favorite. Rebekah wants Jacob blessed because Jacob is her favorite. Jacob wants the blessing for himself. Esau wants the blessing for himself. Everyone is ignoring what God wants.

Isaac knows the prophecy of God, but is still set on blessing Esau.

And whenever a family becomes centered on self instead of God, the funnel starts pulling everyone downward.

Think about Isaac for a moment. He's old. He's blind. He's nearing the end of his life. And instead of caring for him, everyone around him is positioning themselves to gain something from him.

People begin using one another instead of loving one another. Trust begins to erode. Because self-centeredness always damages relationships.

• Using the Wrong Means to Reach Godly Ends
  

What's fascinating is that Rebekah and Jacob are actually pursuing something God had already promised. God had already said Jacob would receive the blessing.

The problem wasn't the destination. The problem was how they got there.

Instead of trusting God, they lied. Forced the outcome.

Look at how many ways Jacob deceives his father.

"I am Esau your firstborn."

Then he brings God into the lie.

"The Lord your God gave me success."

Isaac asks again.

"Are you really my son Esau?"

"I am."

Then he kisses his father while continuing the deception.

It's painful to watch.

A godly goal never justifies ungodly methods. We can want good things while pursuing them in sinful ways.

Character matters. Integrity matters. The means matter.

• Attempting to Take Control from God
  

This is really the root issue underneath everything else.

Nobody in this story is willing to trust God's process. Everyone is trying to control the blessing. A blessing that belongs to God and is given.

The deeper issue is that everyone in this family is focused on what works rather than what's right.

They're operating with human-centered wisdom instead of God-centered trust.

There's another fascinating layer here.

Who is actually deceiving whom? Jacob is obviously deceiving Isaac. But Isaac believes he's talking to Esau. Which means Isaac thinks he's finding a way around God's plan and blessing Esau instead of Jacob. Both men are attempting to deceive. Only one succeeds.

And yet God's purpose still stands. Jacob receives the blessing. Not because deception is good. Not because God approves of their actions.

But because God's plans are bigger than human failure.

God works through broken people.

And that's good news for every one of us.

But the funnel keeps narrowing.

The spiral keeps going. Read Genesis 27:30-38, 41-46; 28:1-9

30 After Isaac finished blessing him, and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. 31 He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, “My father, please sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.”

32 His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?”

“I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.”

33 Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!”

34 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!”

35 But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.”

36 Esau said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob? This is the second time he has taken advantage of me: He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” Then he asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?”

37 Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?”

38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud.

41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your brother Esau is planning to avenge himself by killing you. 43 Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Harran. 44 Stay with him for a while until your brother’s fury subsides. 45 When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?”

46 Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”

28 So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him. Then he commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman. 2 Go at once to Paddan Aram, to the house of your mother’s father Bethuel. Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother. 3 May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples. 4 May he give you and your descendants the blessing given to Abraham, so that you may take possession of the land where you now reside as a foreigner, the land God gave to Abraham.” 5 Then Isaac sent Jacob on his way, and he went to Paddan Aram, to Laban son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, who was the mother of Jacob and Esau.

6 Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” 7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. 8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.

If the first half of the chapter shows us the entrance to the funnel, the second half shows us where it leads. Esau arrives moments too late. Isaac realizes what happened and begins trembling violently. Esau breaks down weeping. Then he vows to kill Jacob. Rebekah hears about it and sends Jacob away.

Not toward reconciliation. Just away. And then she lies again about why he's leaving.

Nobody owns anything. Nobody repairs anything. Everybody doubles down. And the spiral gets worse.

Esau gave away his birthright. Then became furious when he lost the blessing. Then threatened murder. Then impulsively married another woman because he realized his parents weren't pleased with his earlier marriages.

But now we come to an interesting point in the story. Take a look at Genesis 27:37 and then the verses in chapter 28.

Isaac has a moment of acceptance. He has tried to get his own way, and yet discovered that God’s plan has still come to pass. This moment leads to him giving a blessing and a renewed trust in God.

But here's the good news.

The funnel doesn't only go one direction.

(top right of the funnel image) Families Committed to Christ Flourish

As we look at everything this family got wrong, we can also get a picture of what healthy, God-centered families can pursue instead. Isaac stops trusting his own way and begins trusting God.

• Trusting God's Sovereign Process
  

This is where everything comes together. Healthy families understand that God is at work even when they cannot see it. They can trust that God's timing is better than theirs. God's wisdom is greater than theirs. And God's plans will stand.

That's exactly what we see in Genesis 27 and 28. Despite all the deception, God's purposes still move forward. Not because the family was faithful. But because God was. And that truth matters for us.

• Using the Right Means to Reach Godly Ends
  

Healthy families don't just care about where they're going. They care about how they get there. The methods matter because they reveal whether we're truly trusting God.

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is tell the truth. Own your mistake. Have the difficult conversation. Confess your sin. Ask for forgiveness. Do the right thing even when it costs you. Because God's way matters just as much as God's destination.

• Continually Putting God First
  

Healthy families learn to ask a different question. Not, "What do I want?" But, "What does God want?" His priorities become our priorities. His desires become more important than our preferences. His Word becomes our guide.

When God is at the center, people stop competing with one another and start serving one another.

Trust gets built instead of leveraged. People encourage one another instead of competing with one another. Grace creates space for people to grow.

Conclusion

You may not be able to control what was handed to you. You may not be able to rewrite your family of origin. But by God's grace, you can choose what gets passed on next. You can choose honesty over deception. Trust over control. Forgiveness over bitterness. Humility over pride. You can flip the funnel.

Instead of repeating the cycle, you can begin a new one.

Because that's what happens when people stop trying to control everything and start trusting God.

One author put it this way:

"God delights to have His men and women work in willing cooperation with Him—but should they freely choose not to cooperate, they will eventually discover that God works despite them."

Gospel Invitation (this section will be after the last song this week)

This family is a mess. Maybe yours is too.

But God never abandoned this family. And He hasn't abandoned yours.

From the very beginning, God's plan was moving toward peace. The promise given to Abraham was always pointing forward to Jesus. The One who would bless the nations. The One who would reconcile people to God. The One who would bring peace where there was conflict. Healing where there was brokenness. Hope where there was despair. As Isaiah says, one day the lion will lie down with the lamb.

God is moving all of history toward peace. Peace between God and people. Peace between husbands and wives. Peace between parents and children. Peace between brothers and sisters.

And the good news is that God doesn't wait for perfect families before He starts working.

He worked through this dysfunctional family. And He can work through yours.

There is another family you can belong to. The family of God.

Through faith in Jesus Christ, your story doesn't have to be defined by what came before you. The dysfunction doesn't have to get the last word. Jesus does.