Unfinished Business

Series: Life of Jacob

Title: Unfinished Business

Text: Genesis 31:22-55

Message Summary: Conflict we leave unfinished never leaves us.

Date: 8/2/26

Good morning! My name is Matt Martinez and I am the pastor here at Renovation Church Shoreview.

I heard this story of a couple who had been married for 50 years. One night they were sitting by the fireplace, holding hands, and the husband had this thought so he turned to his wife and he said, “After all these years, I find you tried and true.” His wife was hard of hearing, and so she looked at him and said, “What?”. The husband said louder, “After all these years, I find you tried and true.” The wife got a scowl on her face, and she responded, “Well after all these years, I am tired of you too.”

Very few relationships explode overnight. But hurt, frustration, assumptions, and unmet expectations build up—until they explode into something that could have been resolved years earlier.

Craig Groeschel: "If you let a problem go on too long, you begin to become the problem."

Many of us don’t want to become the problem in our relationships, and are trying to shake off unhealthy patterns and baggage from our families and friendships.

We are about to read a story of what happens when we wait too long to address it.

Please turn in your Bibles to Genesis 31:22-55. There is a Bible under your chair, and if you are using that one, turn to page 22 in that Bible.

Jacob has now worked for Laban for fourteen years. He left his home to escape his brother Esau who wanted to kill him because Jacob tricked him. While working for his uncle Laban he found not one, but two wives, and a lot of family drama.

And after Jacob and his wives had had 11 sons, Jacob finally wants to go back to where he came from. He doesn’t trust Laban and all of his dealings we have read about over the last number of weeks, and so there is no love lost between Jacob and Laban as well… just a lot of unresolved drama.

Last week's passage ended, with Jacob taking his family and all of his things and leaving secretly. And Jacob’s wife Rachel stealing her father’s idols from his house.

Jacob leaves his toxic father in law behind. But we will see that 20 years of unresolved conflict, hurt, mistrust and things left unsaid doesn’t just go away because we leave. Pain that goes unaddressed always shows up somewhere.

Let’s begin reading our passage starting in verse 22 and reading all the way through 44.

22 On the third day Laban was told that Jacob had fled. 23 Taking his relatives with him, he pursued Jacob for seven days and caught up with him in the hill country of Gilead. 24 Then God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night and said to him, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.”

25 Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. 26 Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You’ve deceived me, and you’ve carried off my daughters like captives in war. 27 Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn’t you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of timbrels and harps? 28 You didn’t even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters goodbye. You have done a foolish thing. 29 I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, ‘Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ 30 Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father’s household. But why did you steal my gods?”

31 Jacob answered Laban, “I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. 32 But if you find anyone who has your gods, that person shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.” Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.

33 So Laban went into Jacob’s tent and into Leah’s tent and into the tent of the two female servants, but he found nothing. After he came out of Leah’s tent, he entered Rachel’s tent. 34 Now Rachel had taken the household gods and put them inside her camel’s saddle and was sitting on them. Laban searched through everything in the tent but found nothing.

35 Rachel said to her father, “Don’t be angry, my lord, that I cannot stand up in your presence; I’m having my period.” So he searched but could not find the household gods.

36 Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. “What is my crime?” he asked Laban. “How have I wronged you that you hunt me down? 37 Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.

38 “I have been with you for twenty years now. Your sheep and goats have not miscarried, nor have I eaten rams from your flocks. 39 I did not bring you animals torn by wild beasts; I bore the loss myself. And you demanded payment from me for whatever was stolen by day or night. 40 This was my situation: The heat consumed me in the daytime and the cold at night, and sleep fled from my eyes. 41 It was like this for the twenty years I was in your household. I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flocks, and you changed my wages ten times. 42 If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you.”

43 Laban answered Jacob, “The women are my daughters, the children are my children, and the flocks are my flocks. All you see is mine. Yet what can I do today about these daughters of mine, or about the children they have borne? 44 Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.”

Unresolved conflict changes how we treat others.

Take a look at what conflict has done to this family.

Jacob has lived with deception and manipulation for twenty years. So when conflict comes, he doesn't face it—he avoids it. He slips away in secret, hoping that if he leaves quietly, everything will work itself out.

Then, when Laban finally catches him, Jacob swings to the other extreme. Instead of asking questions, he makes a reckless promise: whoever stole the idols deserves to die.

Why? Because fear is driving both decisions. Fear made him run. Fear made him bargain. Instead of slowing down and seeking the truth, Jacob reacts in the heat of the moment. That's what unresolved conflict does. It pushes us toward unhealthy extremes.

Now look at Laban. When he discovers Jacob is gone, his hurt turns into rage. He chases him down. Listen to the language in verses 23-25: pursued... caught up with... overtook. Those are military terms. The wording makes us think about someone going to war. Laban isn't just angry. He's dangerous. And underneath his anger is suspicion. He trusts no one, so he tears through every tent in Jacob’s looking for the idols. Betrayal made him angry. It also made him paranoid.

Then there's Rachel. She has spent years being treated like property by her own father. Instead of ever addressing that pain, she steals something precious to him and lies straight to his face.

We can think unresolved conflict stays buried if we ignore it. It doesn't. It leaks into everything—how we love, how we lead, and how we treat the people standing right in front of us.

But there's something else happening here. Notice what Laban is most desperate to recover. He mentions the secret departure. He complains that Jacob never let him say goodbye. But where does he end?

"But why did you steal my gods?"

We know from earlier in Genesis that Laban practiced divination, so these household idols weren't decorations. They represented where he placed his confidence. They were what he trusted for guidance, protection, and control.

And that's worth sitting with, because conflict has a way of exposing our gods too.

When everything falls apart, what do we reach for? The last word. Being right. Control. Winning. Protecting our reputation.

Whatever we instinctively grab for in conflict often reveals what we're trusting most. And whatever we trust instead of the living God will eventually master us. Whether it's success, control, money, or even spiritual counterfeits, the object of our trust begins to shape our decisions, command our loyalty, and demand our devotion.

Conflict doesn't just determine how we treat other people. It also reveals how we relate to God.

Laban trusted a god that could be stolen, hidden, and even sat on. Meanwhile, the true God isn't hiding. He's confronting Laban. He's protecting Jacob. And He's the only One who has actually been in control the entire time.

There is only one God that can help you in conflict.

Unresolved conflict makes us experts at everyone else's sin.

Every person in this story is convinced they're right.

Jacob unloads what feels like a speech he's been rehearsing for twenty years, listing every way Laban has wronged him. Laban fires back by claiming everything Jacob has still belongs to him, even though he'd already agreed it was Jacob's. At this point, the argument is completely out of control.

But here's what's important: Neither of these men is reacting only to what happened that day. They're reacting to everything they've never dealt with.

The same thing happens to us. John Mark Comer says people are deep wells. There's more going on beneath the surface than we're usually willing to admit. That's true of the people who hurt us—and it's true of us too.

Rarely are we just reacting to today's disagreement. We're reacting to years of disappointment, hurt, unmet expectations, and unresolved conflict.

That's why simply leaving doesn't fix it. That's why exaggerated accusations and emotional reactions never solve it. Because the real issue is often much deeper than the moment we're arguing about.

Over the years in ministry, I've sat with many people who needed to leave unhealthy or even abusive situations. I want to be clear- Sometimes leaving is absolutely the right decision.

But whether you leave for the right or wrong reasoning: wherever you go, you take you.

I've watched people move to a new city, start a new job, build a new marriage, find a new church — and discover the same patterns showing up again.

If the hurt, anger, and unresolved conflict never gets addressed, changing your address won't change your heart.

We'll keep becoming experts at everyone else's sin while staying strangers to our own.

Let’s continue with our passage starting at the small number 45.

45 So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. 46 He said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap. 47 Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, and Jacob called it Galeed.

48 Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” That is why it was called Galeed. 49 It was also called Mizpah, because he said, “May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other. 50 If you mistreat my daughters or if you take any wives besides my daughters, even though no one is with us, remember that God is a witness between you and me.”

51 Laban also said to Jacob, “Here is this heap, and here is this pillar I have set up between you and me. 52 This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this heap to your side to harm you and that you will not go past this heap and pillar to my side to harm me. 53 May the God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.”

So Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac. 54 He offered a sacrifice there in the hill country and invited his relatives to a meal. After they had eaten, they spent the night there.

55 Early the next morning Laban kissed his grandchildren and his daughters and blessed them. Then he left and returned home.

Unresolved conflict settles for distance instead of reconciliation.

Don't mistake this for a happy ending. Jacob and Laban didn't reconcile. They drew a line in the sand. Laban calls the place Mizpah—"watchtower." Once again, the language sounds more like war than peace. "If you do wrong, God will see it and deal with you"

That's not a promise between friends. It's a warning between enemies. So they build a boundary: "I won't cross to you, and you don't cross to me."

They didn't heal. They managed the distance and called it peace.

Now, hear me carefully: the problem isn't that they established a boundary. Boundaries are not inherently wrong. The problem is that the boundary became the finish line. They stopped at the wall instead of letting God do what walls can't do.

Their relationship was marked by manipulation, self-interest, and broken trust—not love. And that's worth examining in our own conflicts.

Jesus said the heart of God's law is simple: love God and love your neighbor.

So when conflict comes, we should ask: Is impatience fueling this? Is kindness missing? Am I insisting on my own way? Because that's what sin always does. It separates. But that's not what God does.

Jesus doesn't stay on His side of the line. Jesus crosses the divide. Jesus comes near. He is Emmanuel—God with us. He doesn't build another wall. He tears down the veil. He takes the loss Himself so reconciliation becomes possible.

The people in this story cannot fix what they have broken. Maybe that's how you feel too. And that's exactly why God came in the person of Jesus. He redeemed Jacob's story. And He can redeem ours too.

Conclusion

There's a story Richard Hoffler tells about a young boy named Jonny.

One summer, his grandparents gave him a slingshot. He practiced for days, but he couldn't hit anything. One afternoon, frustrated at his lack of skill, he spotted his grandma's pet duck.

He pulled back the slingshot. Let it fly. And, to his surprise, hit and killed the duck. Panicked, Jonny hid the duck behind the woodpile. As he turned around, he saw his sister Sally standing there. She had seen everything.

That evening after dinner, Grandma asked, "Sally, will you help me wash the dishes?" Sally smiled and said, "Jonny said he would love to help you do the dishes." Then she whispered Jonny, "Remember the duck?"

The next day, Grandpa was going fishing while Grandma prepared dinner.

"Sally, it’s your turn to help me make dinner. Can you help me?" "Oh no," Sally replied. "Jonny said he wants to help."

For weeks, Jonny did his chores and Sally's. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He went to his grandma, confessed everything, and waited for the consequences.

His grandma smiled and said, "I already knew. I was watching from the window when it happened, and I forgave you at that moment. I was just wondering how long you were going to let Sally make you her slave."

How long are you going to stay a slave to old family patterns?

How long are you going to be trapped by unaddressed conflict?

How long are you going to keep dragging around something Jesus has already paid for?

Some of you are tired from carrying years of hurt and bitterness. Years of conflict you've never brought into the light.

Jesus didn't come just to help us manage conflict. He came to reconcile us to God. And as He changes our relationship with Him, He begins changing our relationships with one another.

In a moment, the worship team is going to lead us in one final song. As they do, I want to invite you to let God search your heart.

Where is there unresolved conflict? Who comes to mind? Where have you settled for distance instead of pursuing peace? Invite God into those places. Ask Him to bring healing where there's hurt, repentance where there's sin, and peace where there's been division.

And let me leave you with one practical question I've been asking myself.

When I reach the end of my life, how do I want this relationship to be remembered? Once you know the answer to that question, ask another: What's one small step I can take tomorrow toward that future?

Maybe it's sending a text. Making a phone call. Asking for forgiveness. Choosing to pray for someone instead of replaying the argument.

Big reconciliation often begins with one small step of obedience.

So don't waste this moment. Let God speak to you. And let today be the beginning of healing.